Thursday, January 08, 2009

Something I never really had...

It’s a funny thing, regrets.

I have lived life in such a way that I don’t have too many of them. Oh, a few trifles here and there. Wish I’d not taken college so seriously. Wish I’d done this or not done that. They are mostly soap bubbles.

All but one — and it’s a big, fat regret.

She came to me in a dream last night. I haven’t thought about her in a whole mess of Sundays. But my nocturnal reverie was such that she stayed on my mind for the rest of the day.

I don’t think I’ve told you about her before. This girl was fun, fun-loving, and quite sweet. She liked me a whole lot. And, I liked her too, but like a fool I was too busy elsewhere, chasing the elusive raven-headed terror that still causes a nightmare every year or two.

Now that I think about it, I don’t know how on earth I let this girl slip away.

But, slip away she did. And, like so much else in this life, I didn’t realize how special she was until she was gone.

My dream was curious. She and I had found each other again. She was telling me about her life. She showed me her house – this fantastic place on the beach, complete with a patio, a big fireplace and two matching La-Z-Boy recliners in front of the TV.

“This is where we’ll live,” she said as we walked hand in hand toward the sand and surf.

“Just don’t let me wake up,” I said, just before I woke up.

I last saw her two or so years ago at a baseball game. She was beautiful, more so than before, and still as sweet as ever.

I smiled, waved, tried to keep the lump from forming in my throat, and remembered a line from a sappy old show.

“I never knew how bad it hurt to lose something I never really had.”

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