You can go home again

I'll be the first to admit it when I am wrong.

And I was wrong about the Tim Burton-directed new feature film version of "Dark Shadows," starring Johnny Depp as vampire Barnabas Collins.

Turns out you can go home again -- to Collinwood at least -- and it's pretty darn fun.

Let's get one thing straight up front: Whoever came up with the ridiculous trailer for the film should be fired. Today.

"Dark Shadows," Dan Curtis's crazy dream, is sacred territory for some of us. The 1966-71 ABC-TV daytime drama, shown in re-runs for years on and off until 2003, was my favorite television series when I was a teen. To say I was obsessed is an understatement.

And, if you know me well, you know I am a traditionalist. I had been looking forward to this film for years. Both Burton and Depp had been saying all the right things. Burton spent too much time watching the series during its original run. Young Depp wanted to be Barnabas Collins.

"Yes," I said. "They can do this. They can do it. They can do it right."

Then came the terrible trailer. My jaw dropped. My blood boiled.

"Oh, my goodness," I said, (or words to that effect). "They've turned it into a comedic farce."

I was furious.

Then Jonathan Frid, the beloved, first and, yes, still the best Barnabas, passed away. Ironically on Friday the 13th. Ironically just weeks after making a cameo in the film. Ironically just weeks before its opening.

I debated. I fretted. I seethed.

"You have to go see it," Dean Harned said. "You can't write a fair review without going."

He was right. Plus, it was Frid's final role. I owed him that much for getting me through puberty. (Don't blink, or you'll miss him, and Kathryn Leigh Scott, and Knoxville native Lara Parker and David Selby, in the cool cameo.)

Jenn and I were expecting to see two hours of bizarre burlesque.

Instead, what we got, to my eternal delight, was "Dark Shadows."

Yes, it's different. But, yes, the damn thing is "Dark Shadows."

The opening scenes were superb. Young Barnabas comes to America from Liverpool. His father, Joshua, plants the seeds for what becomes the town of Collinsport, Maine. You get to see pre- and post-construction shots of Collinwood.

Enter Angelique, Josette's death, and the infamous Collins curse. Enter a brief bit of Robert Cobert's original score before Danny Elfman's excellent effort.

The waves crash onto the rocks at Widow's Hill. Maggie Evans, no, wait, Victoria Winters (Bella Heathcote) arrives in Collinsport by train, just like Alexandra Moltke did 46 years ago. OK, so you hear "Nights in White Satin" instead of that creepy Bob Cobert tune. But it works. Oh, how it works.

"They did it," I said over and over. "They did it!"

Those laughs about which we were all worried are more about comic relief. This film does what Curtis's dreams didn't or couldn't do. It shows us how our favorite vampire adjusts from the 18th century to 1972.

Depp plays Barnabas just about as right as one can in 2012. He's not quite as guilt-ridden as Frid. But it's enough. More than enough, even.

Michelle Pfeiffer lacks Joan Bennett's grace, but dang it, she's got cousin Elizabeth down pat. Jonny Lee Miller does a dead-on worthless Roger Collins and throws in some Louis Edmonds mannerisms to boot. Carolyn, David, loopy Willie Loomis, Mrs. Johnson, that creepy Collinwood -- it is all here.

Eva Green is a sexy and supercharged Angelique. She plays the role with relish. And, again, it works.

Helena Bonham Carter is an out-there Dr. Julia Hoffman, but it's OK. Hers is more of an homage to the "House of Dark Shadows" (MGM, 1970) Julia than the TV version of Grayson Hall, but, again, it fits.

Heathcote plays Victoria/Josette just the way a die-hard fan would want her to.

It all fits. The songs, the '70s, the house, the homages, the fangs, the fun...it fits.

And the ending? Not the "hey, we might do a sequel" stunt, but the climax on Widow's Hill? Oh, my goodness.

I won't give it away, but I will unashamedly say I shed a tear. It happens. What never transpired on the tube finally, finally happens.

And they did it. Yes, they did it. Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, screenwriters Seth Grahame-Smith and John August, the entire cast, they did it.

Nothing will, nothing can, replace the daytime "Dark Shadows." Jonathan Frid is still the best Barnabas Collins. Always has been, always will be. I can't wait for that gonzo complete series box set to get here in July.

But, yes, my friends, you can go home again. Dust off the cobwebs and come back to Collinwood.

Just do me one favor, Warner Bros. Fire whoever came up with that trailer. If this movie doesn't do the box office business it should, put the blame on them.

One last 'Dark Shadows' post

Folks, I feel like total crap.

LONG story made short, which you don't care about anyway, a couple of months ago my blood pressure skyrocketed to 186/116. Soon I began having occasional coughing fits that were soon followed by dizziness, seeing stars and thinking I was going to pass out.

Had a sleep study Wednesday night. Was awakened at 1 a.m. and given a CPAP machine to wear. It made a big difference and it looks like I'll be wearing one at night for some time.

Yesterday, I developed a throbbing migraine headache. Then I got dizzy, saw the stars and almost passed out twice. At the Halls High Academic Banquet, I "recognized" a complete stranger whom I mistook as a girl I've known for 10 years.

Tough night.

So, I thought I'd do something fun before trying to get to sleep and give you a glimpse of my "Dark Shadows" collection.

Included in the photograph are a complete set of all 32 Dan "Marilyn" Ross Paperback Library "Dark Shadows" books from 1966-72 (and a few other Paperback Library books tied to the series, including a photo collection from the late Jonathan Frid), the 1969 soundtrack LP, and two later books on the series, "The Dark Shadows Companion" and "Dark Shadows: Return to Collinwood," the latter released earlier this year.

Have a good weekend, y'all.

Good story on Jon Frid from the 'Telebuddy'

Knoxville.com and Knoxville News Sentinel TV columnist Terry Morrow has written a great piece about the late Jonathan Frid and Jon's portrayal of Barnabas Collins on "Dark Shadows."

It can be found here: http://www.knoxville.com/news/2012/apr/24/terry-morrow-in-the-end-barnbas-collins-of-dark/

He mentions that Lara Parker, who played the witch Angelique on the '60s ABC-TV daytime series, was born here in Knoxville. I did some research; she was born as Mary Lamar Rickey, but I have no idea how long she lived here.

The Telebuddy says it better than I did, folks.

Jon Frid and Dan Curtis's dream

OK, now I've had a few days to think about losing a final chip of childhood. I don't know whether I can put it into adequate words, but here goes.

I've already told you about being obsessed with "Dark Shadows" as a kid. Throughout most of high school, I would immerse myself for one hour a day (30 minute episodes back-to-back) via re-runs in the saga of the crazy characters of Collinwood.

All those memories came flooding back last Thursday when his relatives announced Jonathan "Barnabas Collins" Frid had passed away, ironically enough on Friday the 13th. (Useless trivia: Frid starred in director Oliver Stone's first movie, a horror film called "Seizure.")

Part of the attraction of "Dark Shadows" for me was its story. Think about it. A Gothic mansion filled with ghosts, vampires, werewolves, and attractive young women in miniskirts...for what more could a teenage boy ask?!

Looking back on it, I think I identified with Frid's portrayal of Barnabas Collins, the self-loathing, reluctant vampire. If you suspend belief and take the character for who he was, Barnabas Collins was adrift in a strange world, struggling to find his way, hating the bad aspects of his nature and learning how to fit in. Well, doesn't every teenager do that? Especially one with nostalgic tendencies anyway?

And, of course, I would laugh with mirth at all the live-on-tape mistakes. "Gravestones" blowing in the wind. Cameras crossing cameras. Boom mics slipping down into the scenes. Grips wandering around on the side of the stage.



I collected all but two of the old Paperback Library books (my sweet mom has bought me the other two to complete my collection), several VHS videos and Kathryn Leigh Scott's "Dark Shadows Companion." I bought the 1969 soundtrack vinyl album from Mike and Maria at Lost and Found Records when it was located in West Knoxville. I joined the "Dark Shadows" fan club and subscribed to a few fanzines.

As the years passed, I left "Dark Shadows" behind. College and career took over. When Netflix arrived, I would rent the DVDs from time to time. I'd watch them usually on Saturday mornings, while eating cereal, for old times' sake. It never failed to bring a smile.

Last Thursday night, I toasted Frid, dug out my VHS copy of the 1970 film "House of Dark Shadows" (which did so well at the box office it single-handedly saved M-G-M from bankruptcy) and Jenn and I spent two hours with those crazy characters from Collinwood. I bought Mr. Frid's autograph on eBay and decided to splurge on the second-edition of the complete series DVD set, which comes out in July.

Dan Curtis's dream called "Dark Shadows" will forever hold a special place in my heart. Crazy camp and all, it was (and is) a heck of a lot of fun.

21st century blues

I'm tired.

Don't know if it's some sort of malaise, the wonderful effect of puke-green pollen, or just deadlines and commitments.

But, I'm tired.

Did a little work this morning then came home and slept for four hours. Sinuses drained. It rained.

The highlight of the day was Jenn bringing home two totes bought at a yard sale, filled with old newspapers and magazines, about Elvis and JFK and Mickey Mantle and Richard Nixon. Down at the bottom of one was a surprisingly clean vinyl copy of Elvis's last studio album, "Moody Blue." Alas, the vinyl was blue. I'll find the black vinyl version one day.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. One box also contained something I've never seen: The Rolling Stone issue from just after Elvis's death.

I heard today that the Elvis statue is being removed from what used to be the Las Vegas Hilton. Hearing such news on the heels of seeing the trailer for the new Tim Burton "Dark Shadows" farce made me want to crawl into a hole and hibernate.

I was born too late and I know it and sometimes it just plain sucks.

When October goes

Shopper-News columnist Lynn Hutton filed a great column this week, her annual ode to autumn. It can be found here through Sunday (Nov. 6) and then archived here on Page A-7.

Lynn's piece, awesome and eloquent as always, got me to thinking how much I, too, hate to see October go.

Fall is fun, filled with football and falling leaves. Days are usually mild; nights are nicely nippy.

This month has been a bit of a whirlwind for us, roaring in like March's lion (or, if you will, like a luau) on our honeymoon in Hawaii, and ending more like a lamb, quietly, at home. Jennifer didn't feel well last night, so we canceled our Halloween plans. She stayed in bed much of the evening while I indulged myself in my favorite guilty pleasure from the '60s, the campy ABC daytime drama, "Dark Shadows." ("How can you kill a man who's already dead?")

We saw spectacular fall colors over the weekend at the lake, filled with gold and brown and blue, better than what Jennifer says she saw with her grandparents in the Great Smokies a week ago.

Now we creep toward the holidays, which, sadly, have become anxiety-ridden endurance contests. Dreary, gray winter days are soon to follow, that three-month misery when the sky won't snow and the sun won't shine. I've already told you about losing baseball until the spring.

So forgive me if I hum a few bars of Johnny Mercer by way of Barry Manilow today.

Oh, how I hate to see October go...

The last innocent summer

So how pathetic is this?

I'm curled up in my recliner, wearing PJs at noon, watching "Dark Shadows" and eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I'm feeling better, but still not great, and so here I sit, watching this nonsense ("You can't kill me. I'm already dead!"), eating a kid's meal. After awhile, I'll turn the clan from Collinsport off and watch Justin Verlander and the Tigers stare down the Baltimore Orioles at Camden Yards.

Funny, but this is close to how I spent an entire summer, 15 years ago. Well, minus the migraines.

No, I didn't get headaches back then. Didn't really have a care in the world. That summer, the last innocent summer you might say, I slept late, read books, immersed myself in Dan Curtis's crazy dream each weekday morning at 11, and watched baseball in the balmy evenings.

Looking back, I guess it was a lonely summer, but it didn't feel that way then. I didn't have a point of reference to know any different.

I call it the last innocent summer, because soon after that I met this dark-haired girl, fell in love, and, well, life never has been quite the same.

But that summer, I cared about Fred McGriff coming over to Atlanta from Toronto. I lived and died with the Braves then, TBS, 7:35 p.m. Eastern, Skip and Pete, Don and Joe. Terry Pendleton at third. Dave Justice (damn him for taking Dale Murphy's place) in right, Marquis Grissom, Jeff Blauser, the Lemmer, Tom Glavine on the mound.

And, "Dark Shadows," my goodness. I knew more about Barnabas Collins than I did about the neighbors across the street. It's silly to think about now, the devotion that only a child can give to a TV show. Every now and then I'd get bored and watch a John Wayne western. "El Dorado," for about the 100th time. In the afternoons, I'd sit in the sun, and read books. I've forgotten what -- I'd graduated from the Hardy Boys by then -- but the titles are lost to time.

But the summer ended, as they always must. Then my dad sold his house, and I didn't get the Sci-Fi Channel and "Dark Shadows" anymore. I kept the Braves, but that fall I met that little dark-haired girl with the perfect teeth, and my priorities changed, probably for the worst.

Now I'm 15 years older, but still watching baseball, immersed again in "Dark Shadows" (thank you, Netflix), am madly in love with several dark-haired girls.

What is it they say about the more things change...?

Return to Collinwood

Well, now that I’m a broke homeowner, I have to get creative when it comes to frivolous purchases. The days of reckless surfing at Amazon.com are long gone.

Makes me glad I discovered Netflix a few years ago. For a nominal monthly fee, one gets to pick from a wide catalog of DVDs for rental, which can be kept as long as it takes to watch them. They come straight to your door and the best part is you don’t have to deal with clueless clerks.

Recently I’ve caught back up with an old favorite, the campy late ’60s TV sudster "Dark Shadows." I rented a few episodes of the cult classic a couple of years ago, but the DVDs kept arriving at my house in pieces. I tried again this month. So far, so good.

For the uninitiated, "Dark Shadows" was a popular daytime drama on ABC from 1966-71. Unlike the traditional soap opera, though, "Shadows" focused on the supernatural, specifically the saga of guilt-ridden vampire Barnabas Collins.

In its day, the show garnered nearly 20 million viewers a day -- mostly teenagers running home from school to catch the show at 4 p.m. -- and became a rare hit for ABC’s then-struggling daytime programming. It’s definitely silly, somewhat campy, but always entertaining.

A couple of weekends ago, I lit a fire on a bitterly cold Saturday night and returned to Collinwood for a couple of hours. What a hoot it was.

I first became aware of the show in the early 1990s, when NBC briefly revived "Shadows" as a primetime drama. Soon after, the fledgling Sci-Fi Channel began airing two episodes weekdays. I was hooked.

The show (sadly) took up a big part of my early teenage years. I collected memorabilia, joined the fan club, even contemplated traveling to New York for one of the fan conventions. As it was, though, I remained content to spend an hour with the Collins clan each weekday morning at 11, or taped them on my dad’s VCR to watch after school.

What’s enduring about it now is the bloopers that are inevitably part of most episodes. Back in the mid-60s, daytime television was a low budget affair. The show was videotaped, but for all practical purposes was taped live, in that the entire 30 minute show was recorded in one take. So you get to see actors flub lines, boom mics (and even cameras!) pop into the shot and sets fall to pieces right before your eyes.

But for its day, "Dark Shadows" boasted a talented cast, good writing and innovative special effects. There’s never been anything like it on TV before or since.

If this East Tennessee rain keeps up tonight, I may have to curl up with Barnabas and friends for a few hours tonight after work.

Cue the dramatic music and turn on the fog machine. We’re going back to Collinwood!